


it's not always obvious

by MyGoldenEyes



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec is kind of a dick, Angst, M/M, Not an excuse, Self Harm, a version of cannon where they get more than three minutes between crises, but like hes suffering, but magnus gets it, but not like you normaly see, it's not always cutting, kinda happy ending, sorry - Freeform, super dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-06 00:26:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15182699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyGoldenEyes/pseuds/MyGoldenEyes
Summary: Self-harm isn't always obvious. It can be not eating, it can be working yourself too hard, it can be just being reckless.Magnus Bane know this so why does he let Alec get away with it for so long?





	it's not always obvious

It started the morning after Magnus had explained what the agony rune had done to him. Alec got up, tended to Magnus, then ran out the door. It wasn’t until Magnus was nearly finished with the dishes that he realized Alec had never eaten. At that point in time Magnus was too pulled into his own world to realize the implications. 

Alec stayed late at the institute that night, and when he got home he would wince every once in a while and roll his shoulder back as if he was in pain. Magnus asked him what was wrong but Alec shrugged it off and said he was just sore from training. Magnus offered to heal it but Alec declined. 

The next night Alec came home with scabs over his fingers in a line where he would hold his bow. 

“Darling! What did you do? Here, let me heal that for yo-” Magnus had gone to reach for Alec’s hand but Alec pulled away and yelled. 

“No!” Alec looked up at Magnus as silence fell around them. Alec looked hurt and panicked. As he met Magnus’ eyes and saw the slight hurt that was there the panic set in deeper, “You don’t have to fuss over me like some housemaid. I’m fine Magnus.” Alec looked away so he wouldn’t have to see his words land. He heard Magnus swallow and felt more than saw him turn away. 

“I’m sorry Alexander, I didn’t realize my worrying was such a burden to you.” Alec wanted to take back what he said and Magnus could see that, but he didn’t. Alec had never been hesitant to admit his own mistakes in this relationship before. As soon as he realized his folly he would always come home to Magnus and plead for forgiveness. This was the tip to Magnus that something was wrong.   
The next week Magnus was working when he got a call from Jace. 

“What do you want Blondie?” Magnus snapped. He was done with Shadowhunters and their petty demands. Isabelle had been by yesterday to get Magnus to brew a potion for her, Clary had come by demanding information, and Jace himself had asked for a favor not three days ago. It’s like they thought just because Magnus was in love with Alec he was also in love with him. Magnus wanted to scoff at the thought. There were many things Magnus would only do for and to Alec. 

“I need you to come by the institute.” Magnus was just about to voice his displeasure in being ordered about by a child when Jaces added, “It’s Alec.” In a voice that left Magnus little option but to summon a portal right outside of the institute instantly. 

“I’m outside. If you’re not here in two minutes I swear I will tear down the very wards I placed here to make sure Alexander is safe.” 

“I’ll be there, god dude!” Jace’s voice spiked up with fear and he was out and pulling Magnus in in no time at all. 

The institute was deserted at this late hour, Jace lead Magnus through the quiet halls, past the infirmary to Magnus’ surprise and relief. That relief was short lived as Magnus and Jace entered the training room. 

The view that greeted both of them was Alec, but for the first time Mangus could see what was wrong. Alec had blood stained cloth wrapped around his hands as he went after the punching bag completely devoid of form. It was as if each hit he landed was meant to cause him more pain than his imaginary attacker. 

He was also shirtless and Magnus was horrified at the sight of his exposed chest. He was covered in bruises and cuts. His arms quivered as if he could hardly keep them up. Magnus stood mouth agape as he watched Alec. Alec shifted and suddenly his face was in view. His eyes were red and puffy and tears streamed down his face. His lip was split open and bleeding as if he had bitten into it. Everything clicked for Magnus. 

It had been nearly two weeks since Magnus had seen Alec eat anything substantial. He was always training late and complaining of injuries but would never let Magnus help him. This was just like the incident with the demon. Alec had let a wound fester in hopes that it would distract him from his internal pain. It seemed that this had become a habit right under Magnus’ nose. Magnus tured to Jace with a grave expression. 

“Hold him down.” Jace didn’t hesitate to spring into action. Tackling his brother to the ground. 

As soon as Jace touched Alec Alec began to scream and protest, “No! Jace get off! I’m fine! What are you doing!” 

Jace didn’t say a word as he wrestled Alec to the ground. Magnus approached slowly and lifted his hands. He let his magic scan over Alec to see the extent of the damage. Alec had a torn rotator cuff that had to have been nearly a week old. It was a wonder he’d been able to lift his arm. Damn those stubborn angels. 

“Magnus! Stop it! Don’t! I deserve this!” Alec was fully sobbing now and he wasn’t even trying to struggle in Jace’s hold. Magnus gave Jace a nod and the boy let Alec go then left them alone. Magnus fell to his knees and pulled Alec into his lap, this was exceedingly difficult because Alec was significantly larger than Magnus but Alec helped by all but falling into Magnus’ embrace. 

“Why would you think that love?” Magnus held Alec close and tried not to cry himself as he watched this broken shell of a man weep into his arms. 

“I let them hurt you, I hurt you. I made you re-live such horrible things. I can’t there’s nothing I can do to make it better. You didn’t deserve that. I do,” Magnus was crying. Had he done something to let Alec think that he blamed him for what happened. 

“I don’t blame you Alexander. You were trying to protect me and so many others. You did what you thought was best. It’s ok. I don’t think you deserve this. Please, let me fix it.” This was apparently the wrong thing to say because Alec’s sobbing all but doubled. “Shh, shh. No it’s ok sweetie, what did I say. Tell me what to do.” 

Alec looked at Magnus when the sobbing had somewhat subsided, “You always fix everything. You’re so powerful and you always know what to do and I never do anything. Just once I need to fix something.”   
Magnus balked at the implication that Alec never did anything for him. Alec had done so much. Alexander had ripped Magnus’ world apart then put it back together in a way the fixed things Magnus didn’t even know were wrong. How could Alec ever think he wasn’t enough.

“You are exactly what you need to be darling. You do so much, you don’t even know. You were there for me even when I told you about the horrible things I’ve done. You support me all the time. Please, let me help now. You can help later ok?” This seemed to be enough for Alec who went soft against Magnus and just buried his head in Magnus’ shoulder. 

Magnus began to heal Alexander as he drifted to sleep in Magnus’ arms.


End file.
